Can I just say…oh my gosh I’M A MOMMY!!!!! The feeling is truly unbelievable. Indescribable. The love I have for baby Capri is next level and nothing I can put into words. If you’ve been following along on the Stories you know I’m just crying happy tears about every 10 minutes from how overwhelmed I feel with love. Paul and I spend literal hours staring at her face in amazement that we made her, that she’s ours, that she’s so perfect. Then I cry thinking about Paul going back to work in a few weeks and missing her all day. I can’t even imagine leaving her….EVER. I will get into more postpartum stuff in another post, but today I want to share my birth story. Everyone always talks about how your brain tricks you into forgetting all the bad stuff so that you are strong enough (mentally) to go through it again. Let me just tell you, one of the first things I said after birth is “I’m never fucking doing that again” and everyone laughed at me. Don’t get me wrong I’m beyond obsessed with Capri, but the thought of giving birth again scares the SHIT out of me.
So here’s what happened.
On Thursday September 27th I woke up at 5:30AM with contractions. They felt like bad peri od cramps. I tried to stay awake to time them but fell asleep and was woken up to another one around 5:50AM. Again, fell asleep and just kept waking up about every 20 minutes with another contraction. I had a doctor’s appointment that morning so figured I would discuss with the doc. My check up was brutal. I was 40 weeks & 6 days at that point and just ready. Super frustrated, impatient, and in pain. BUT, even if I had to wait another week for her to arrive to ensure it was safe, natural, and not forced I was going to do it. My doctor checked my cervix (which BTW is painful AS FUCK when your baby’s head is super low and they have to maneuver around that) and I was still only 1cm dilated. FML. The good news is my doctor predicted that she would come within 24-48 hours. I went home and got comfy on the couch.
That day I had contractions on and off. I downloaded an app to track them and rate the pain. It was hard to rate since I had nothing to compare it to and basically rated them all as “medium.” Looking back, I would say I underestimated the intensity. They were pretty bad and I downplayed it because I wasn’t sure just how intense things would get. I had a nice 3 – 4 hour break from the contractions at one point and thought it was done.
Around 6PM I was eating dinner and I got a gnarly contraction. I had to stand up, walk around, breathe. I laid back down because pressure on my butt hurt really bad. Paul and I chilled in my little fort he built me for a few more hours. I got up to use the bathroom around 10PM and when I stood up, I fell onto the wall, unable to move. Paul came rushing into the bathroom to help me and we decided then it was time to head to the hospital. Our hospital bags were mostly packed (aside from toiletries) so we gathered up some last minute things (I mostly threw things at Paul to pack lol) and headed out. Of course I started to hysterically cry watching the dogs panic and see us leave.
The car ride over to the hospital was only 10 minutes but SO painful. I couldn’t buckle my seatbelt, which gave Paul serious anxiety, and I was pulling my whole body up on the hand bar above the window. I needed to get the pressure OFF my ass. Every little bump in the road hurt like hell. Paul kept reminding me to breathe but screaming felt better than calmly breathing at that point. When we arrived at the hospital we pulled up to the front and jumped out to admissions. The car was left on, open, with all our things still inside. My mom said when she got to the hospital and saw our car like that her heart dropped because she knew it was bad. Once I was admitted I feel like I blacked out. Everything was such a blur because the pain was just unbearable. Paul had to undress me, get me into a gown, and then they checked my cervix again, which was absolutely terrible. I was still only 2cm dilated….WTF.
At that point I didn’t know how we were going to proceed. I knew that it was too early for the epidural but the contractions were nonstop and SO FUCKING PAINFUL. To prepare for the epidural I got my IV (didn’t care / bother me at that point) going as well as the heart monitor and blood pressure thingy on my arm. Once all of that was hooked up they told me the pain was stressing out the baby and her heart rate was dropping. I really needed to breathe and relax for her sake. Hearing that terrified me so I did my best to relax.
I was transferred to the next room where I would be delivering the baby and we checked my cervix again. Not even an hour had passed and I was 5cm dilated. Shit was progressing FAST. We brought in the anesthesiologist as soon as possible and got ready for the epidural. I was told to hold as still as possible while arching my spine and the second the needle went in I jumped. Not entirely sure how ANYONE is expected to hold still when it feels like a fucking knife is stabbing you in the back (literally), but OKAY. He kept sticking it in and squeezed my nurse with all my might. Thank god for this sweet nurse by the way, she saved my life at that point. I waited and waited for the epidural to kick in but my contractions were still not okay. My family had arrived at that point and were trying to soothe me. They could see I was in excruciating pain. A few minutes later we checked my cervix again and I was 7cm. We had to decide: do I want to be sedated or try the epidural again? Obviously knowing the pain of the epidural scared the shit out of me but I really didn’t see another option. We called him back for round two.
This time my spine was partially numb so it was a lot more manageable to remain calm and still. Thankfully the second time it worked almost instantly and the pain started to subside. THIS is what everyone talks about. Once that epidural works, it really works.
I was still progressing, but they estimated I had a good 3 hours before I needed to start pushing. We took this time to nap, as it was now really late and I still hadn’t slept. My family and Paul all camped around me on the floor and couch until about 4AM. At that point my cervix was close to 10cm. To prepare, the nurse tested my pushing abilities with the epidural. She said I was doing great, which made me happy since I wasn’t really sure what pushing actually meant. I ended up not pushing for a few more hours, which was fine by me. I got to rest up and regain my strength for this next part.
It was decided that Paul and my sister Jessica would hold my legs while I pushed. The rest of my family and Lily stayed behind me to take pictures and cheer me on. We had some good music playing to get us all in the mood and we were ready! Around 7:30AM my doctor came in and we started to push. Honestly, I wasn’t sure how this part would go. I thought I would have to push a lot harder than I was for her to come out, but then again maybe I was pushing THAT hard but the epidural masked it. The part that tired me out was holding my breathe. Paul was in charge of coaching me and counting and his counting just kept getting slower and slower! At one point I had to tell him to hurry the fuck up because I would pass out from holding my damn breathe and pushing that long LOL.
After about 45 minutes of pushing she came out! While in the womb she has pooped (called meconium) so as a precaution they had to check her first before handing her to me. Seeing her pulled out of me and taken away broke my heart but my whole family surrounded her and Paul cut her umbilical cord. After a few minutes they brought her back to me for us to meet and do skin to skin. It was the best moment of my life. She smelled like an angel and just looked at me all peacefully. It was all worth it.
She was born at exactly 41 weeks and was 5 pounds 13 ounces (19″ long). Because of her age and weight she is considered SGA (small for gestational age) so we had to run extra tests on her to ensure she was perfectly healthy. Everything was good except her blood sugar was a little low. Because of this we had to feed her more often to keep her levels good. This also meant I would have to start pumping sooner to keep up with the nutrition she needed. I was not expecting to start that for a few weeks so it’s been a tough transition. Breast feeding and pumping is NO joke. I can definitely put together a post about that later on once I have more experience.
Aside from that, Capri has actually gained weight since birth. She is now 6 pounds 3 ounces, which is great since most newborns lose some weight after being born. She is doing so well and is SUCH a great baby. She has the sweetest smile and her demeanor is so chill. She only cries when she’s gassy or too cold (at the doctor’s office). I am just so in love it’s not normal. I love everything about her and am so happy she is finally here.