Red Flags In a Guy
About a year ago, I wrote about Red Flags to Watch for in a Person and you guys loved it. So with lots of relationship questions whenever I do a Q+A, I figured I’d get more specific with this topic. This post is for all you girls going through the dating scene or questioning your current relationship. I hope it’s helpful!
+ A recurring bad past: There’s the saying, “once a cheater, always a cheater” and while I think it depends on a lot of things, I do think seeing repetitive negative behavior likely means it’s going to keep repeating. That’s not to say that a guy / girl will always cheat on their future significant others if they have in the past; I truly think people can learn from their mistakes, not to mention relationships sometimes being more flippant when you’re really young. Sometimes it takes the right match for a person to change but again, if there’s a bad past that’s following this guy around, it’s likely a trend that will stick.
+ Not compromising: Relationships are all about compromise, especially as they get serious. So if your guy only wants to do things he’s into, red flag. Or if you’re always the one apologizing for something you both should be, red flag. I will say this can take time and open communication to let him know how you feel BUT if he doesn’t improve after talking, he’s not putting in the necessary effort.
+ Taking advantage: I see a lot of girls in the Facebook community talk about guys taking advantage of them and it drives me WILD. Whether emotionally, financially, sexually, whatever, no one deserves to be taken advantage of, especially not by someone you’re dating. If you’re always buying them sh*t or bankrolling their life, get out. If you guys take turns paying for things, that’s one thing, but if you’re fully supporting this person for a long period of time, they’re taking advantage. Same goes for any aspect of a relationship; if the other person is always taking and you’re always giving, that’s not right.
+ Shady social media habits: Following a million girls on IG, liking pictures of random girls, etc…um no. And if I ever saw a guy I was seriously dating still messing around on dating apps or messaging other girls, BYE!
+ None of your friends / family liking them: If you have a good circle of friends (or family) and they’re getting bad vibes from your guy, it’s probably him – not them. Again, I’d only say this if you’ve had these friends for a long time and really trust them but I’d 100% take my friend’s opinions of a guy to heart. Often times we can be blinded by someone but if other people are seeing the signs, it’s worth listening to them. Lily and Paul have always bickered but there is deep respect and love there, as there should be IMO.
+ Not meeting their friends or family: Obviously this might come with time in a relationship which is normal. But if you’re going on several months of dating a person and it’s progressing, you should at least be meeting a friend or two casually. In my mind, if you don’t, they’re hiding something.
+ Not knowing your worth: Someone should be excited and proud to be with you and if they’re not, you deserve better. I know people show their love in different ways and I’m not saying you need to be told you’re beautiful or have some grand gestures every day BUT you should feel valued in a relationship from the start. There are way too many guys out there to settle with someone who doesn’t make you feel special.
P.S. For Paul’s relationship advice, see his series here.